As I sit here in my bed at 5:30am, unable to sleep, I decided I should start writing about my experiences so far with this birth (which has yet to happen).
Let's start off by saying Paxton spoiled me rotten! Paxton being born 3 weeks early has made waiting until 40 weeks close to unbearable. Also, something different with Paxton was that my water broke, a sure sign that one is in labor. Not this time!
Two Fridays ago, around 9:30 pm, I started to get some stronger, unpainful, contractions. Normally I would ignore the hardness of my belly and pay no mind to these so called Braxton hicks. However, these contractions were still stronger than my normal Braxton hicks. After about a half hour, I began to time them. They were every 5 minutes and lasted about 30 seconds each. This went on for another hour and a half before I decided I should notify my grandma of what was happening per her request to let her know if there was ANY SIGN of labor. Grandma prepared for her 9 hour drive and drove through the night to try to get here in time. After another hour of consistent contractions, I decided I should get some rest before they got too painful, so I went to bed. EVERYTHING STOPPED! So disappointing. Especially since grandma had driven all this way, and still nothing was happening when she got here at 8:30am Saturday morning.
So that week I was determined to get this baby out! I bought two fresh pineapples, a bag of black licorice, I had some red raspberry leaf tea given to me by my midwife and the weather was so nice out that week. That I was walking two times a day for about an hour each time. Well, the food just gave me the runs and walking didn't seem to do much but make my pelvis and hips more sore, especially at night. Walking was still a breeze.
That next Monday I had another midwife appt. I told her what I had been up to and she actually told me to stop walking so much! I was in shock. She told me to cut it down to a half hour every day and to not over do. She pretty much told me to get out of this mentality that he is coming early like Paxton...that I really still had another week until the due date. Not what I wanted to hear! While I was there, I had her check me to see if there was ANY progress going on. And to my disappointment, I was 0% dilated, 0% effaced! and he was still at a -2 station....in other words, nowhere close to delivery. As I came out of the room after changing back into my clothes, my midwife saw the frustration on my face. She told me not to be upset. I looked at her and told her, "I am upset! I'm frustrated! With all the discomfort and pain I have been in, I hoped I'd have had SOMETHING to show for it by now." She reassured me and told me that at the next appointment, if I had progressed, that she could strip some membranes if I wanted her to. At that point I was thinking, "heck yes!"
Today is that day. At 9:45, everything could change.
I went on a walk a couple of days ago and could hardly make it a half an hour. My pelvic bones have been sore and this time I just made things feel even worse. Something had changed in my body. When I got back home, I ran to the store for some dinner for grandma, Paxton and I (yes, grandma is still here). As I entered the store, I definitely felt that "lightning" people always talk about. The baby definitely dropped. It was a weird feeling.
So today, as I imagine how this appt is going to go, I am starting to get a little chicken. One, I have heard how uncomfortable membrane stripping is,. Two, it's hard for me to not feel guilty to Paxton for bringing another child into our hearts and our home. I feel like I am taking away special time together. It won't be just us anymore. It's just been he and I, my little buddy. How can I share my love? It just seems so surreal! I have been told it will come naturally to me and it's nothing to fret about. But I am already missing the special days I have had when it's just been Paxton and I. I can't believe that part is almost over! It really tears at my heart to think about it.
So wish me luck today. I have a feeling it will be an emotional one!
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